hey, it’s me again.
writing from the middle.

for a long time, i thought rest was something you earned.

something that came after
after the work
after the effort
after proving you were disciplined enough.

if i finished the list, i could rest.
if i didn’t —
i felt like i failed.

not just tired.
not just behind.

like i was the problem.

somewhere along the way,
my productivity and my worth got tangled up.

if i was productive, i felt good about myself.
if i was focused, i felt responsible.
if i was busy, i felt useful.

and when i wasn’t —
i questioned everything.

my discipline.
my motivation.
sometimes even my faith.

i kept thinking i needed to try harder.
push more.
fix whatever was broken in me.

but here’s what i’m starting to see:

i wasn’t failing at productivity.
i was trying to function without rest.

i treated exhaustion like a flaw.
like needing rest meant i was doing something wrong.

but my body wasn’t betraying me.
it was asking for care.

when i don’t rest — really rest —
my mind gets loud.
my patience gets thin.
my thoughts scatter.

i don’t become more productive.
i become disconnected.

from myself.
from the people i love.
from God.

i push harder and somehow get less done.
and then i shame myself for it.

rest isn’t the reward for being productive.
it’s how i become who God is calling me to be.

i don’t rest because i earned it.
i rest because i was made to.

because i’m human.
because i have limits.
because those limits were part of the design.

even God rested.

not because He was tired —
but because rest is holy.

i’m still unlearning the idea that rest is laziness.
still unlearning the belief that stopping means quitting.
still unlearning the habit of measuring my worth by what i produce.

some days, rest looks like a nap.
some days, it looks like closing the laptop early.
some days, it looks like letting things stay unfinished —
and choosing not to punish myself for it.

i’m practicing this.
slowly.
imperfectly.

learning that obedience doesn’t always look like effort.
learning that faith doesn’t require exhaustion.
learning that i don’t have to earn what was already given.

so if you needed permission today —
you don’t need to earn it.

come sit awhile.
let your body breathe.
let your mind soften.

God isn’t keeping score.

He’s inviting us to rest.

hey, it’s me again.