hey, it’s me again…

This space is for honest thoughts, everyday observations, and the quiet shifts that don’t need to be explained.

big + small

·

I’ve spent most of my life being the oldest.

Holding things.

Watching closely.

Learning how to stay steady.

So it feels strange, now, to be learning how to be a younger sibling.

There has always been a brother somewhere in the background of my life.

Not present, but not absent either.

More like a quiet outline I didn’t know how to trace.

This year, that outline became a person again.

What surprised me wasn’t how much time had passed.

It was how quickly we spoke the same language.

The same sharp humor.

The quick responses.

The kind of wit that slips out before you can soften it.

Little mannerisms I’ve never shared with anyone else.

Small, unmistakable tells that felt inherited rather than learned.

Two lives shaped differently, answering the world in much the same way.

Some stories begin with warmth.

Some begin with fracture.

For a long time, I thought distance was the hardest part.

I didn’t realize how unevenly love can land.

There is a quiet grace in realizing you were held more than you knew.

And a quiet ache in wishing you could pass that holding along.

We are not healing in the same way.

Not using the same words.

But there is honesty between us, and that feels like its own language.

His openness loosened something in me.

Reminded me that truth doesn’t need a conclusion.

That saying where you are can be enough.

It’s part of why I started writing.

Why I stopped waiting for the right moment and let myself speak from the middle instead.

I know when I send him something I’ve written, it will be read slowly.

Fully.

Without being rushed toward meaning.

That kind of attention changes a person.

I’m still learning what it means to be seen without performing.

To let someone recognize the weight before I name it.

There was a moment when fear sat quietly beside me, and he noticed.

No fixing.

No questions.

Just understanding.

That mattered more than I can explain.

This is for him.

For the bond that didn’t need proximity.

For conversations that feel safe enough to pause.

For the quiet recognition that arrives without effort.

Some connections don’t grow through time.

They grow through truth.

And I’m grateful for this one.

One response to “big + small”

  1. galaxyfortunately2066928666 Avatar
    galaxyfortunately2066928666

    Well said, Sis! This one brought me to tears! I love seeing you step into your light and you certainly have a way with words.  Keep going, your testimony is more powerful than you realize and if nothing else, it’s good for the soul… and the souls that read these words. I’ve always been proud to be your big bro; today more than ever. I love you. 

    Xoxo,

    Matthew 

    Liked by 1 person

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